The Power of a Song
by peacegirl597
Summary: The Cullens find a box of tapes from Bella's 'dark ages' from when they left. They show Bella singing different songs expressing her pain and how much she misses them. At least one song dedicated to each member. Angsty. None of the songs are mine, they're ones i looked up that match the story well :) ExB T just in case. More chapters to come but you can pretty much read out of orde
1. Almost Lover

_**Testing out some new things… don't kill me for not updating my legit stories.. I'm stuck, and little things like this have been helping me. Give me like another week to get it up! **_

_**Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to the wonderfully talent Stephanie Meyer and not me… I just enjoy playing around with her characters. **_

_**This snog isn't mine or written by Bella as the story puts it, but it belongs to the band 'Fine Frenzy' And it's called Almost Lover. **_

BPov

I sighed. Going through my stuff at Charlie's was hard! I'd been here for nearly two hours with my fiancée Edward and we were only on the fourth or fifth box.

"Do you want to pack this?" He asked, taking an old stuffed near out from one of the beaten-up cardboard containers.

"Oh, you found my stuffed bear! I used to carry that thing everywhere," I smiled, taking it from his hand, "god, I loved this thing. He was like, my best friend through my childhood." I blushed looking up at Edward.

"Okay, then keep it." He encouraged.

I crinkled up my nose a little bit.

"Edward, I'm getting married soon... I'm a grown-up now. I can't keep my teddy bear from when I was five. I laughed.

"Says who?" He smiled, dropping the bear into the giant bin labeled 'keep'

We continued to go through baskets and boxed and cases, dropping items into various labeled bins. We'd managed to get through my desk, under the bed, the basement, attic, and most of my closet when Edward pulled a video tape out from the back corner of it from underneath several articles of clothing that concealed it.

My stomach dropped.

"What's this?" He asked frowning slightly, turning it over to read the label, "it says 'he's gone. A collection of Bella's songs' on it... You never told me you wrote songs, Bella!"

"Uh, yeah... Can I just... Can we just throw that out? I mean, it's stupid and I don't want it." I muttered, looking down.

"C'mon, Bells, I want to hear you sing."

"Then I'll sing to you later." I said.

"But that's not the same. It's just an old tape, come on we should watch it. We watched all of your other embarrassing home-movies. Why not this one?"

"I just don't want to, okay?"

"No, not really. It's not okay I be embarrassed around me, hon. We're getting married... We can't keep secrets from each other like this." He murmured, offering my a small smile.

"Fine," I sighed, defeated, "but you aren't going to like what you see, or hear for that matter." I mumbled.

"I'm sure you're a beautiful singer."

"I wasnt talking about my singing ability," I glared at the ground. I felt his confused eyes on me as he popped the tape into the VCR.

My face appeared on the screen moments later, ad a small gasp escaped his lips at the sight of me. I'd taped this months ago, during the period of time that he was gone, during those torturous months when he had left me.

_"I'm making these with an old video camera I found downstairs," digital Bella said in a sad, worn out voice. "Sorry if my voice is a little bit raw... I just got my voice back. Guess I screamed a little hard last night... Damn nightmares." She darkly chuckled, humorlessly._

Through the corner of my eye, I saw Edwards mouth slightly open, his eyes widening when he realized when this must've been made.

_"This is the first time in almost a month that I've spoken, even though it's to a camera and not to an actual person... Whatever. I wrote a song... I thought maybe I'd record it... Just to get it out of my system. Maybe I'll do more later, I guess." She shrugged, the bags under her eyes seemed to darken, making her look even more exhausted than ever.__  
_  
'So this song's called 'Almost Lover'... I wrote it a little while ago. It's about him. Pretty much all of my songs are.' She sighed, looking off, as he arm subconsciously wrapped around her waist. "It hurts to think about him sometimes, you know? It's so painful, to think about what he did to me. I want to hate him, loathe him for breaking me like this... But I can't. I'm afraid I'm still in love with him, and it sucks.' Tears welled up in her eyes, but she forced them in, offering a fake smile to the camera.

Meanwhile Edward cringed against me, mixed emotions filling his eyes. Sadness, regret, and... Fear? Yes. He was afraid. He was afraid of himself, he was afraid of what he'd done to me, afraid of what I had become, he was add raid of what the movie-Bella might do because of his decision. I told him he wouldn't like what he saw.  
_  
__"Well, I guess I've wasted enough time with my misery... so I guess I'll sing now." She shrugged, and began to play her guitar. Edward didn't know I played an instrument, and I didn't really want him to since music was kind of his thing, but I was breaking all the rules now anyways. Might as well keep going now, right?_

_'Your fingertips across my skin__  
__The palm trees swaying in the wind, images'_

I thought about when I wrote this song. The depressed state I was in, the twisted, masochistic thoughts that were racing through me as I sang this. I rewound myself to when I was infron of the camera singing, the immense control it took not to completely breakdown and cry.

_'You sang me Spanish lullabies__  
__The sweetest sadness in your eyes, clever trick'_

I thought of my struggles, and had to close my own eyes in order to keep tears from spilling over.

_'Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy__  
__I thought you'd want the same for me'_

As I heard this, I remembered Edward, who was sitting rigidly beside me. I really never wanted him to be unhappy... And he was definitely not happy right now. I gave him a nervous glance, but he wasn't looking at me. He was looking at her, at movie-Bella... And he was upset, very upset. I could tell he wasn't breathing at this point. He was still as a statue, eyes staring blankly at the depressed girl on the screen, analyzing her every move.

I wanted to comfort him, but I didn't know how. I was afraid he'd lash out if I tried to turn it off, and I didn't want to disturb his closure if that happened to be what he was doing. I just didn't want him to be upset with me, so I simply say there helplessly being forced to watch my past pain. I didn't want to relive this, but if he needed closure, I'd glove it to him if it killed me.

_'Goodbye, my almost lover__  
__Goodbye, my hopeless dream__  
__I'm trying not to think about you'_

But it was so hard not to. In times like that, he was I'll I could see. He was everything, this song didn't help me as I thought it would while writing it. It only made me feel worse about seeing him. It made me feel guilty about his random appearances tied to my adrenaline rushes. I thought this song would make it all go away, make te memories ad nightmares stop play letting him go- but it didn't. Good idea... Except for the fact that it completely failed and left me more broken than ever before.

_'Can't you just let me be?'_

No. He really couldn't. Even though her had been miles apart, my brain wouldn't accept the fact that he was gone. It created a subconscious form of him that showed up every once and a whole to protect me from the truth. He couldn't leave me alone even if I wanted him to. He was forever burned into my brain just in case he left again. But he wouldn't leave... Would he? No. He couldn't do that to me. He couldn't do it to himself.

_'So long, my luckless romance__  
__My back is turned on you__  
__Should've known you'd bring me heartache'_

So much heartache... Heartache that didn't really ever go away. Even months later, after he was back, and I was getting married... Even then. It was still there, waiting for moments like this to unleash its wrath and hatred into me. It was uncovered now, and I had to deal with it and find a way to seal it away in the back of my mind where it belonged.  
_  
__'Almost Lovers always do.'_

The worn girl on the screen smiled bitterly, a mocking grin. They always did. I learned that the hard way. Once with Edward and me with Jake. Even though I could live without him, didn't mean it was painless to leave him behind. But I had to look to the future, the one I had with the man sitting silently beside me, glaring at the television.

_'We walked along a crowded street__  
__You took my hand and danced with me in the shade'_

I remembered that night. We'd been out in Port Angeles, and went for a walk after dinner. There was music playing from a nearby wedding, beautiful songs filling the streets. He asked me to dance and I laughed at him, saying that it was silly, but he just smiled and took my hand.  
_  
__And when you left you kissed my lips__  
__You told me you would never ever forget these images, no'_

I was brought back to that night in the woods when he said goodbye, saying that he'd never forget... That he would have to distract himself to get the memories away from him. Meanwhile mine faded with every step he took down the trail.

I risked a peek at his face. He'd gone from rigid with mixed emotions, to flat out emotionless. He just... sat there. I bit my lip. Should I talk to him? Hold his hand? This didn't look like closure... It looked like depression starting over again. I didn't want to cause him pain, but it seemed evitable now.

"Edward?" I asked softly.

He ignored me.

_I never want to see you unhappy_

_I thought you'd want the same for me_

But he did want the same for me. I could see it in his pain-filled eyes. He didn't want me to get hurt… it was why he left in the first place. I was stupid to make these videos. I was stupid to think for a second thathe didn't want me to be happy. He was selfless—masochistic even. If I was happy, it didn't matter how many struggles he had to go through. I was the selfish person.

_Goodbye, my almost lover_

_Goodbye, my hopeless dream_

_I'm trying not to think about you_

_Can't you just let me be?_

_So long, my luckless romance_

_My back is turned on you_

I could never turn my back on him. These lyrics were lies. How could I ever even think about forgetting him? Them?

_I should've known you'd bring me heartache_

_Almost lovers always do_

But he wasn't and 'almost' anything. He was real and here. He was my lover, not 'almost.

_I cannot go to the ocean_

_I cannot drive the streets at night_

_I cannot wake up in the morning_

_Without you on my mind_

I remembered those days. When I couldn't do anything without thinking of him. I threw out my cds and books, I pulled down every poster and decorations I had and locked myself in my room. I couldn't go anywhere without bringing pain with me.

_So you're gone and I'm haunted_

_And I bet you are just fine_

_Did I make it that easy_

_To walk right in and out of my life?_

I did make it easy. I could've tried harder to get him to stay, and avoided this completely. I could've stopped the pain before it ever even started at all. I should've cried and screamed and begged. I could've thrown a complete tantrum, convinced him that I wouldn't be able to go on. I should've threatened to kill myself… that sure as hell woul've made him stay. Out of guilt, perhaps, but at least I could have spared the long nightmares and restless days. I could have avoided making these videos, and then we never would have to go through this. Even now, it was haunting me.

_Goodbye, my almost lover_

_Goodbye, my hopeless dream_

_I'm trying not to think about you_

_Can't you just let me be?_

_So long, my luckless romance_

_My back is turned on you_

_I should've known you'd bring me heartache_

_Almost lovers always do_

"_Alright… There you have it." She looked away from the camera. "I don't know who's watching this… It could be future me, or Charlie… Maybe it's even _you, _Edward." She flinched at the sound of his name. "Whoever it is, just don't let it get to your head. This really is just a stupid tape to clear my head. I'm making more, if you want to watch them and hear my story. I wrote them… If you like them you can have them. Sell it to a record company or something. I don't care. I just miss th… Never mind. I'm not finishing that sentence. Bye." She clicked off, leaving the screen blank. _

The room filled with a silence so intense that not even a knife could cut through it- you would need a power saw. We didn't touch each other. We didn't talk to each other. Hell, we didn't even so much as glance at each other. We just sat there, on opposite ends of the couch. Knowing him, his mind was racing, whereas mine was completely blank except for one thought: Is Edward okay?

No. He most definitely was not okay.

He was hurting, and it was my entire fault. Stupid video. Stupid self. Stupid world. What was wrong with me? Why didn't I tell him not to watch it? Why would I make it in the first place? Ugh. I was a complete imbecile. I sighed, sadness pressing like a weight on my chest. I was stupid and worthless. No wonder her left me. I couldn't so anything right. I should've burned the tapes the second he came back. I shouldn't have risked him finding them. I should've gone through my closet alone. What if he thought I was some kind of clingy, emotional, depressed freak now? The sorrow pressed harder on my chest, making unbearable to breath. Stupid, stupid, stupid! I wanted to punch something… I made him upset, and I dragged him into my own emotional break-downs.

I exhaled an upset sigh, trying deeply not to cry, clenching my teeth together in frustration and self- anger. I really hated myself sometimes.

My small surge of emotion made his head snap up to look at me. His face seemed to pale a bit at the sight of my reddened eyes and scrunched up face as I tried not to let myself sob. I knew my efforts were pointless, however, when he wordlessly wrapped his arms around me. I bawled into his chest, tears staining his expensive blue shirt. I sniveled a bit, mentally ordering myself to stop. It was bad enough that I'd made him feel guilty, I didn't need to ruin his nice clothing, too.

"I'm sorry," I sniffled, looking up at him. He brushed the hair out of my face, offering me a sad smile.

"You have nothing to apologize for, Bell." He murmured, leaning down to kiss my forehead. I grinned forlornly.

"I shouldn't have made that video." I muttered.

"No… It helped, in a weird way. At least I know you're okay now." He ruffled my hair.

"Yeah, I'm okay." I promised, ruffling his hair back.

That was about the time Emmett burst in.

"What's wrong with you two?" He asked, earning a slight glare from my fiancée. "Watching home movies?" He picked one of the tapes up curiously.

"Emmett, don't" I begged.

"But this one's about me." He frowned, examining it.

"Em…"

"C'mon Bells, it can't be that bad."

"Oh, it's bad." Edward promised, "It's really bad."

"I want ot see it." He said stubbornly.

"Whatever, Emmett. But don't blame me if you don't like what you see." I sighed, "I wish I never made those stupid things," I muttered as he popped in the tape labeled 'Emmett'


	2. Where you at?

Em POV

The VCR made a weird noise when I popped the tape in. I couldn't believe Bella still had these stupid things. Why didn't she just get a CD player like the rest of the world?

I tapped my fingers on the wooden table next to the couch the three of us were sitting on. Bells was in the middle with me and Ed on the end. He had his arms around her and I rolled my eyes. They were together way too much. Sure, me and Rosie were intimate sometimes, and we loved to flaunt our sexuality in the family's face but at least we didn't 'cuddle'... That was just weird.

The television clicked on and my thoughts were silenced by the picture I the screen. There was a familiar girl with her hair pulled back into a messy bun. Her eyes and cheeks seemed almost hollow with sadness and there were tired bags under her eyes. My mind clicked together as I realized who it was. That was my baby sister. That was Bella.

_"Hey," he voice cracked groggily "um, it's been like a day since my last tape. I'll be honest; it took me a while to write this one." She looked down. "It's not that good, but I decided if the... Cullens ever get a hold of this, they'll each want a song of their own." He said 'Cullen' like it were a swear word.___

I peeked over to the real Bella who was sitting beside me on the couch. She was biting her lip, twisting her fingers around, anxiously looking down. My little brother brushed her hair back and she looked up at him half-smiling. They were bracing themselves for something bad. I sighed, turning my attention back to the dinosaur of a TV. This wasn't going to be a fun video where Bella tripped trying to go down the stairs for some kind of dance that her mother wanted a tape of. This was going to be some serious, screwed up, depressing tape that would more or less make me cry. Fantastic.  
_  
__"So," the tired Bella said "this one's about my big brother. Emmett, if you're watching this... Just... Listen." She sighed, strumming the first few chords on the guitar.___

_You said when the storm came__  
__That you would be there with your umbrella to block the rain___

I looked down, half wishing I never put the tape in, but half glad that I did. Maybe now she'd finally forgive me. If I let down my walls and cried a little bit, would she be sorry she was ever mad at me at all?

_And you said you'd protect me from heartache,__  
__pain, lies, loneliness, and misery__  
__You said you'll tear down the walls__  
__that were in the way.__  
__You promise things would be okay.__  
_  
The worst part was that I did promise her. I vowed to be the older brother she never had... I said I'd never let Edward hurt her. I told her I'd kick his ass if he tried anything stupid. I should've beat him up te second he told us we had to leave. I didn't do my job as a brother.  
_  
__and I stood there in the freezing cold__  
__and I waited for you but you never showed___

_Where you at__  
__Where you at__  
__ where you at?__  
__Brother you said you would be there for me.__  
_  
Was this to make me feel guilty? Because I deserved it. I told her I'd be there and I wasn't. I deserved to feel guilty, but I selfishly didn't want to. I wanted it to be stuck in my head that Edward was the one who did wrong. I wanted to think that he was the one who made the decision to go, and not me. But the truth was, that I didn't fight hard enough to stay. I went along almost willingly. No, I didn't like it, but I didn't put up a fight.  
_  
__Where you at__  
__Where you at__  
__Where you at__  
__Where you at__  
__Where you at__  
__Where you at?_

We didn't even tell her where we were going. We left her to wonder all alone. Did she ever try to find us? Did she ever try to contact us? Probably, but we didn't even have the decency to give her a last goodbye. We let Edward to the talking while we did the walking. Walking away from her.

_Now you said you'll go to school stop slanging, do a good job__  
__and go to work and you said you would stay out the streets spend time with me___

I remembered wen Bells and I had that talk. She was worried because I was always fooling around. She said I'd fail if I didn't stop slacking. I told her I had enough diplomas, but she wouldn't accept that. I knew all the material, of course, but it was still cute to see her tutor me, especially when made her get books off of really high shelves and he would have to jump for them. She broke a shelf once that way.

_take away my doubt and fears__  
__and fulfill my dreams you said you would be the shoulder for my eyes to cry on you said depend on and I stood there in the freezing cold and I waited for ya but you never showed.___

That was true, too. I told her if he and eddy ever got into a fight that I'd be there as her brother to comfort her and then knock some sense into him. But when she needed me the most, when she needed a shoulder to cry on more than anything, I turned out to be the reason she was crying in the first place. What was wrong with me?  
_  
__Where you at__  
__Where you at__  
__Where you at__  
__Where you at__  
__Where you at?__  
_  
_Brother you said you'd be there for me___

_Where you at?___

_And those false promises is much like fake names__  
__you painted a picture for me but there was no frame__  
__You made my future look bright and I believed every word__  
__I went to sleep on the cloud and woke up in the dirt___

I hung my head shamefully. I was a disgrace. I hurt my baby sister, lied to her, and made myself untrustworthy in her eyes. This was sick.

_And now I'm without shelter and the wind is blowing__  
__you said you would be there for me Brotha__  
__ when the tough got going__  
__said if weapons formed stand in front of me__  
__whenever I felt trapped you said that you would be the one to set me free__  
__Thought you were my hero but as it turned out you were no show_

Now I know it was an inappropriate time to think like this, but damn Bella could rap!

_Tell me where you at__  
_  
All she wanted was to know here we were. All she wanted was to talk.

_You said you would be there for me__  
__Where you at__  
__Were you at__  
__Where you at?__  
__and I can't see, see, see, see__  
__you said you'd be right there for me__  
__so I'm waiting on ya right here until you appear and__  
__deliver, deliver, deliver__  
__ deliver bro__  
__Deliver deliver deliver.___

I didn't. I didn't deliver. I never followed through with my promises. I only came back after I got the ok. I never once decided to come and see her under my own will. I was the worst brother in the world.

_"So, where you at brother?" Bells asked, chuckling darkly on the screen. "you know, Em, sometimes I really hate you for not standing up for me. It was kind of a failure as a brother. " She looked up, smirking bitterly, "Are you ever going to deliver?" _And with that, he clicked off and the tape ended.

"Em..." The real Bella sighed, looking up at me.

"Hmm?" I asked, trying to conceal myself.

"I'm sorry." She whispered

"Why are you sorry? You weren't the one who completely failed at protecting his little sister." I snapped, getting up.

"C'mon Emmett, don't be mad at me." She groaned. "It was a hard time... I was angry that you left... I didn't mean it!"

"Yeah, you did. You harbored all of this hate for me and you never once brought it up? I wouldn't have blamed you for yelling at me! I'm only upset now because you kept it from me. You should've told me that you hated me! It would've spared me a hell of a lot of humiliation!"

"I don't hate you!" She exclaimed, "it was months ago and I was mentally deranged! I only said what I did because you deserved it!" She growled, "you left me all alone and never once thought of saying no to him!" She pointed a finger full of rage at Edward, who jumped up, ready to stop the fighting.

"Whatever Bella. I'm sorry for ruining your life." I snapped, grabbing my jacket to leave.

I was almost out the door when I heard her faint muffled cries. I hid on the outside of the house, listening in.

"He hates me!" She sobbed, and I pictures he clutching onto Edward's shirt as she cried.

"No, he's just upset. He'll cool off soon and feel absolutely horrible later." Edward sighed.

I was a horrible brother, and an even worse person. How could I do that to her? She was so innocent. So what if she had to write a nasty song about me in order to feel a little bit better? I helped to cause her depression in the first place! I deserved this...

"No, no. I said some really bad things, Edward. I deserve for him to hate me." She sniffled.

I couldn't take it anymore.

I burst through her front door and rushed over to her spot on the couch, engulfing her in a big bear hug.

"I'm sorry!" I shouted loudly.

"Emmett... Can't... Breath..." She gasped.

"Sorry!" I jumped backwards quickly.

It took her a minute to recover, but she soon looked up at me and smiled.

"I love ya big brother."

"I love you more, little sis. Oh, and Edward? Let's go outside. I've decided to deliver my promise."

"What do you mean?" Bella asked

"I'm going to kick his ass for breaking your heart," I winked.


	3. I Wonder

_**EdPOV**_

"I think we should watch this with everyone," Emmett said after a little while.

"What? Em, that's a horrible idea! We almost fell apart the last time we watched a video!" I objected.

"I think it might give us some closure," He shrugged.

"I think it's a good idea…" Bella piped in quietly, "It might get rid of some tension."

I sighed. It seemed like an awful idea to me, but if Bella supported it, maybe it was for the best. They were her tapes after all.

"Do you want them here or should we bring these to the house?" I asked, defeated.

"I don't think we have VCRs at the house… they're too _outdated." _Emmett teased.

"Oh, shut up. I like old things, okay?" Bella defended.

"Is that why you fell for Edward?" He asked sarcastically.

I glared, letting out a small growl. "So here, then." I muttered, taking out my cellphone.

The others arrived soon after I called. I didn't tell them much about the videos, just that there were some matters to go over. I wasn't so confident of this little family get-together. Personally I thought it would end in more tears and harsh words, but I wasn't about to shoot Bella and Emmett down after what just happened. In truth, I was a bit scared of what Emmett might do to me.

"Is everyone okay?" Esme burst through the door.

"We're fine mom," Bella promised. Esme smiled warmly. Since coming back, Bella had taken a liking to calling Esme mom, and Esme was thrilled to say the least.

"Why did you want us here?" Jasper asked.

"We don't have to…" Alice mumbled, obviously seeing what we were doing. I saw a flash of her vision. Alice crying, Jasper guilt-stricken, Esme dry-sobbing into Carlisle's shoulder…

"Maybe we shouldn't" I spoke up, "I don't think it'll be a fun event."

"No… wait," Alice stopped me, showing me another vision. We were all happy, hugging, and grateful for the closure, "This will end well. We have to go through with it."

"Go through with what, exactly?" Carlisle interjected our side conversation.

"We're going to watch some… videos." Bella said.

I explained them for a bit, and they all nodded when I told them to brace themselves.

"They're pretty depressing," Bella admitted, "Don't take it all to heart. We just agreed that it was in the best interest of the family to see these." She clarified, as I popped the next one in.

"_I see you've popped the next tape in…" She greeted up with fake cheer, "Excellent." There was a pause as her bitter face filled with sorrow. "So, I've done my lost love and my pitiful brother… whos next?" She looked down as if she were checking a list. "Why, it looks like my betraying mother. Esme, dear, are you watching this?" _

I turned to look at my mother, who was gasping at the screen, guilty and upset.

"_I wrote this about your new home in… 'California'" she spit, "Or at least you told people that's where you were going." She started to play mindlessly with the strings on the guitar, "Well I guess y'all better listen up now, ya hear? Yeah, that's right. This one's a country song." He face turned bitter again, her words sarcastic. _

_Sometimes I think about you_

_Wonder if you're out there somewhere thinking bout me._

Of course we were thinking about her… didn't she see that?

_And would you even recognize_

_The woman that your girl has grown up to be_

_Cause I look in the mirror and all I see_

_Are your wise eyes looking back at me_

She always looked up to Esme for wisdom… Bella saw what she had learned from her past, and tried to learn from it too. But now Bella had her own struggles to learn from. Her own dark past to conquer.

_They're the only thing you ever gave to me at all_

I could see the guilt building in both of their eyes. Esme's of regret for leaving and sorrow for her child, Bella's for showing this, and putting her mother through it. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to do this, after all. I kind of wanted to scream 'I told you so!' but that wouldn't exactly be appropriate for the time being.

_Oh, I hear the weather's nice in 'California'_

She said California like a curse word, sarcastically, detecting the obvious lie. We were no where's near California, and she knew it, too.

_There's sunny skies as far I can see_

_If you ever come back home to Washington_

_I wonder what you'd say to me_

Well, we could all answer that one. She'd say she was sorry. She'd apologize over and over, until it hurt to speak. She would promise her love and vow never to leave the room, let alone the town ever again. Now that I think about it, she might not say anything at all, but embrace her daughter and refuse to let go.

_I think about how it ain't fair_

_That you weren't there to braid my hair_

_Like mothers do_

_You weren't around to cheer me on_

_Help me dress for my high school graduation_

_Like mothers do_

_Did you think I didn't need you here?_

_To hold my hand_

_To dry my tears_

_Did you even miss me through the months at all?_

This was killing Esme, and we all knew it. To accuse her of not being there… Well it was downright horrible. Nobody could blame Bella, but at the same time— it felt like we should. My mother was sobbing into Carlisle's shoulder, as seen in Alice's vision.

_Oh, I hear the weather's nice in 'California'_

_There's sunny skies as far I can see_

_If you ever come back home to Washington_

_I wonder what you'd say to me_

_Forgiveness is such a simple word_

_But it's so hard to do when you've been hurt_

Did we really hurt her that bad? I knew it was bad, but not bad enough for her to debate whether it was possible to forgive her mother-figure in life? To forgive her family? We screwed up. I screwed up.

_Oh, I hear the weather's nice in California_

_And just in case you're wondering about me_

_From now on I won't be in Washington_

_Your little girl is off_

_Your little girl is off_

_Your little girl is off to Italy. _

"Italy?" I spun around to look at her, "How did you know about Italy back then?"

"You said it was the place vampires went to kill themselves once, way back in September," she reminded me, "It was just a… comparison.

"A comparison to what, exactly?"

"_Chao!" Video Bella chuckled darkly, the Italian words for goodbye. _

"Suicide." Came her heartbreaking answer.


End file.
